Funny poem
Found this on another forum and thought it was quite funny.
XJ Shock Replacement Poem
Twas the day I changed my shocks, after gathering my tools
Thinking this would be easy, damn I am a fool
I first did the fronts, they were kinda a pain
The top nut under the master, nearly drove me insane
As I went to do the back, it was sunny and warm
But little did I know, of the coming ****-storm
The lower bolts came off, with a heave and a ho,
The half inch socket and breaker put on a good show
I moved onto the top bolts without thinking twice
I was slightly PO’d when standard didn’t fit nice
Shuffling my sockets, it was not yet so hectic
But this is the U.S., why the hell is it metric?
I found the right socket and thought of the rumors
Surely PB blaster or heat will put the bolts in good humor
I lay on my back, the extensions so tall,
The loose socket fell off, and hit my left ball
It wasn’t too heavy, but my temp was rising
The curses stayed inside, but damn they were writhing.
I hooked the socket back on, made sure it was tight,
And started to turn, preparing for a fight
It took little effort, this is so nice I thought
But it was too easy, that bastard broke off
I moved on the next one, hoping it was a fluke
3 more times it happened, I was ready to puke
Grade 5 or Grade 8, grease on the threads?
Just cheap Chinese crap, quality is dead
The shocks should be loose, but the lower bushings the glitch
I’ll torch your *** off, you son of a *****
The shocks out of the way , I thought I was over the hill
Centerpunched the broken bolts, and started to drill
Started with a small bit, and moved up in size
**** **** **** ****, I GOT SHAVINGS IN MY EYES
Pissed Off, in a rage, and freaking insane
I’m not proud of it, I took the lords name in vain
Cursing and raving, I’m glad I was alone
Combining normal swears, and inventing my own
I finished the drilling and tapping, and did the install
Making sure no loose socket would fall on my left ball
With drill shavings in my hair, and man did they itch
My wife asked me of my day, I tried not to *****.
As I lay in my bed thinking of the project as a whole
I’m replacing with stainless you ****ing *******!
"Our Father;
Who art in Moab,
Four-wheeling be thy name.
To thy trails we come,
Thy maintenance be done,
In garage
As it is on trail.
Give us this day our daily drive,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass on us.
Lead us not into illegal closures,
But deliver us from Sierra Clubbers.
For thine is the clearance,
The articulation,
And the traction forever.
Amen"
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