CB Lingo

[Paddletrucker]

This is kind of nostalgic and funny for me, so if I go to far, feel free to shut me right down.

IF you're driving along in right lane, you're using the granny lane. If you are being help up by a slower vehicle, you'll need to get into the hammer lane, or show off lane.

THe truck stop chain, Flying J is known as Lyin' J, or most commonly, "the Hook" ex. "Hey driver, what exit is the Hook?"

Yardsticks, yardsticker, or yardline, refers to mile markers. IF a guy's been driving all day, he might say, "I've got a back pocket plumb full of yardsticks."

Dept. of Transportation Commercial Vehicle Inspection Officers? Creeper Cops.

If two or more trucks are driving along, and one or more gets held up at a red light, lots of time, you'll hear the driver who made it through say, "Sorry driver, I didn't throw out enough change for you.'

If you hear someone pipe up and say, "Hello? Come In?" He just saw someone he recognized. It's kind of a hello.

If a driver sees another guy he recognizes who's way ahead of schedule or driving faster than usual, you'll hear him comment, "Dad'gum! You're makin' 'em a hand tonight!!"

Your terminal is known as "the Junkyard" or simply, "the yard"

IF you're pulling an empty trailer, and someone asks you what you're hauling, you might say, "I've got a full load of politician's brains" or "supervisor brains" or simply, "saiboat fuel"

A yellow motor, bulldozer motor, or kitty cat, refers to a Caterpillar engine. A Come-A-Part or Red motor refers to a Cummins, and if somebody says they're running a green motor, of course, he has a Detroit.

And, even though I grew up knowing what colors Cat Engines, Cummins Engines and Detroit engines were, you can still get taken by the lingo as a rookie. I'll tell off on myself for some stuff I did as a young dumb kid with more horsepower under the hood than brains under the CAT Diesel cap.......

One night, I'd been running with a guy who was a friendly sort of a guy. Talked to him off and on for several hours, when he said, "Sorry, Hand, but I'm gonna hafta pull over here. I've got a tire on fire." Wanting to be helpful and not get tagged as one of those dreaded "new breed" of discourteous drivers my grandpa talked about, I pulled off behind him and headed for his cab with my fire extinguisher. I made it up to axles on the passenger side of tractor and saw him walk out from between the trailer and tractor, zipping up his pants. I startled him and he went defensive in a hurry. Yup, he had to relieve himself, or "put out a tire fire" After he decided I didn't have nefarious intent, he had a good laugh at my expense. Dumb me. If he WOULD'VE had a tire on fire, I was less than 1/4 mile behind him, I'd have know it. Duh!

On my very first run that was really away from home, I was to leave CHickendale, AR with a load of frozen cornish hens and I had two stops. The first was a cold storage in Gary, IN and then run over to Toledo for drop #2. On I-57 at Effingham headed up, I start hearing guys warn me that I was going to run into some "lake effect" and to be careful. Now, I'm a Native Texan that grew up in OK. It's not hot until the temp STARTS with two ones. I had NO EARTHLY IDEA what lake effect was, and didn't want to admit it to anyone or be laughed at over the CB for asking what was obvious to everybody but me. I'd seen only enough snow to make a foot print my whole life. I grew up water skiing and fishing, though. We were always at the lake. I kept thinking, "Man, what is it about those Great Lakes? I've never been afraid of a lake before. What's this lake going to do????" Well, I started hitting those bands of heavy lake effect, and I got an education REAL quick about lake effect!

And, one I can tell on myself when I wasn't quite so much a rookie. Uh, hem....this past JANUARY I was headed home from Cigar CIty (Tampa, FL) and was really sick. I'd gone about as far as I could and needed a break, but I had to be here for a deadline to make a delivery. I didn't have a choice. I was in OK on the big road (Interstate) and had actually gotten a little ahead. I decided a short nap might help. There's a pickle park (rest area....don't ask. You don't want to know why) just a mile or so before I got to the cash box (toll booth) about an hour from my destination, so that's where I was going to dive in and get some snooze. Not wanting to get in the sleeper for fear of not waking back up, I just pulled up behind another truck who was parked, left the truck running, and laid across my arms on the steering wheel. I guess I'd been there 15 minutes or so (and was OUT) when a truck woke me up by driving by. I woke up, picked my head up off of the wheel and saw a truck on the left pass me and the brake lights on the trailer in front of me come on. Well, you know what came next. HORRIFIED that I'd fallen asleep at 65mph, I started steering, shifting, and braking with all of my might. BY this time, another truck had pulled up next to me. I was grinding gears trying to get geared down, I dove in the brakes so hard that I actually destroyed a valve in the air brake system behind the dash. I was driving for all I was worth. Driving my butt off...not going anywhere. Then, I realized and remembered that I had parked and was sitting still.

Apparently, the truck in front of me was getting ready to leave, but was waiting on the first truck that had went by me on the left. That's when I saw the brake lights. THe truck that was now sitting to my left also saw the brake lights and was waiting for the parking spot. With a HUGE sigh of relief, I looked over to my left and that driver was just sitting there looking at me like I had four heads. He picked up his mic and said, "Jeeeeeeezus, Hand! What the **** was that?!?!"

I told him that was me, almost having a heart attack. I almost needed a meat wagon (ambulance) that day. I had to work on my brakes, re-adjust my clutch, and pry myself off of the seat cushion before leaving