Newfoundland Declares War on the U.S.
President
Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone
rang.
"Hallo,
President Obama " a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Archie, up ere at
the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland ,
Canada , eh? I am callin'
to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on
ya!"
"Well Archie,"
Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments
calculation "there is
myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick,
and the whole dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you
Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to
move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call
ya back!"
Sure enough,
the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the
war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would
that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a
bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must
tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel
carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a
half million since we last
spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be
getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "
President Obama , the
war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves
airborne! We up an' modified
Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in
the cockpit, and four boys
from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a
minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000
bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is
surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we
last spoke, I've
increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have
ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "
President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we
have had to call off
dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack .
"Why the sudden
change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat
ourselves
down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come
to realize dat dere's
no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
