*101 Ways To Annoy People*
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.*
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."*
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."*
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."*
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.*
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.*
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".*
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.*
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.*
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.*
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."*
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."*
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."*
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.*
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.*
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.*
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.*
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."*
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."*
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.*
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.*
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.*
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.*
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.*
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.*
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."*
34. Drum on every available surface.*
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.*
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.*
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.*
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.*
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.*
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.*
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.*
45. Honk and wave to strangers.*
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.*
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.*
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.*
49. Wear your pants backwards.*
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.*
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"*
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.*
53. only type in lowercase.*
54. dont use any punctuation either*
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.*
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.*
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.*
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.*
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.*
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.*
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."*
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.*
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.*
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.*
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."*
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.*
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."*
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.*
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.*
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.*
73. Drive half a block.*
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.*
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.*
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".*
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.*
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.*
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.*
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.*
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.*
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.*
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."*
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.*
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"*
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."*
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.*
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something*
about "psychological profiles."*
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."*
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.*
96. Never make eye contact.*
97. Never break eye contact.*
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.*
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.*
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Alright people, get crackin'.:rolleye0012:
