A new crop of idiots

These guys are Darwin Awards hopefuls

----- Number One Idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.


Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.


Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”;
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America .


Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.


Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, “Because I don't believe you are over 21.”;
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.


This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”;
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.


Yep, here's your sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road..
The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here ! I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”;


Take the sign - Please!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay Alert! They walk among us ... they Reproduce ... they Vote
and I'm sure that many of them hold elected offices

I commanded a BCT company in the Army. I asked a new recruit what job(MOS) the army gave him. With a sad look on his face, he said, " I wanted to be a cook. My scores were not high enough, so they are making me a helicopter mechanic."






PS this is a true story. I did not make it up.

Aaaaand now we know why I don't fly helicopters in the Army!

Another one from my days commanding the BCT company. I received paperwork to hold a trainee for discharge because he lied on his enlistment contract about his arrest record. He did not list all the times he had been arrested. I received an attached typed written report from the Maryland state police that was 5 pages long. Since turning 18,(the trainee was 25), he had been arrested 57 times and had served 3years and 11 months in prison. He had been arrested for almost everything you can think of, and for some things multiple times. When I told him on his fraudulent enlistment and asked him why he did not list all his arrests, the answer was simple: THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH ROOM ON THE FORM.

There are many reasons why I would not fly on an Army chopper and now I have another. I will stick with Navy/USMC choppers for my transport.