Personal matter, need opinions, please.

[Jamie Lynn]

Ok, as some of you may know, I recently just left my fiancé after being with him for 2 1/2 years...things had just gotten way to abusive, aggressive and controlling for my taste. This is where I need the opinions at...so while we were together, he has ripped a door out of the wall and thrown it at me, slapped me, punched me, kicked me and has threatened to cut my brake lines and slash my tires if I was to leave him...

Since I have left him, he is still trying to contact me and is being quiet a P.I.T.A. I went on Friday night to the state police to file a report against him and to get the process started for a PFA against him. I wasn't doing it just for myself but for my niece and nephews who I have all the time during the summer because I would feel like crap if he was to do something to my vehicle and the kids and I got in it and something was to happen. So, while at the police station, I talked to the Judge...he already told me to come to the courthouse on Tuesday and get things finalized...he told me that he will grant me a temporary PFA against him, no problems. He says that I have just cause to do this...which, made me so happy to hear. I just want him gone and out of my life. I want to be happy and live my life the way that I choose, not the way that he or anyone else has chosen for me. I'm an adult and as such I should have that choice.

So, I talked to my Momma today about it, she just thinks that it will cause more problems and probably set him off to the point he does come after me. I'm not sure what to do.. I mean, he is a 6 foot 4 inch guy who weighs 503 lbs...I'm only 5foot 9 and weigh at least 250 lbs lighter then him...lets face it...it would be very difficult for me to win that battle. So my question is...what do I do? I want to look out for the safety of the kids as well as myself and yet I don't want to stir the shit pot to cause him to go all psycho either? So what do you think?

[rguignard]

do it maybe it will show him you mean buisness and if he does anything he'll go to jail

[Jamie Lynn]

That is what I was thinking but seriously...he does honestly scare the hell out of me...and it takes a lot to scare me..but him....he does it. I mean I understand where my Momma is coming from but on the same aspect, if I would have listened to her, I never would have pressed charges against the guy who raped me or done half of the things I have done in my life that have all helped to make me who I am today...so its kinda of a tough one...

I look at it as I need to protect the kiddos as much as myself because I'm their favorite aunt...plus with me pretty much raising my niece...I'm like a mom to her...so I can't allow something to happen to me that could hurt her.

[Mudderoy]

You have the children to consider plus you have to be willing to go through with what I am suggesting.

No court order is going to keep a crazy away from you. They'll just use it to put him away if he botches the murder suicide. Get a gun, a really big gun. Shotgun. If he comes at you shoot him until he stops moving.

I hate, HATE, the thought of someone dying but in this case it is better that it is him than you and those kids.

You've laid excellent ground work to keep yourself out of legal issues. I wouldn't give him a chance to get to you and the gun. You have to prepare yourself mentally to pull that trigger before you are faced with having to do it. BE SURE YOU CLEARLY IDENTIFY YOUR TARGET BEFORE PULLING THE TRIGGER. Many family members have been shot because someone shot through a door, assuming the person on the other side was a burgler, etc...

I'm sure someone you know has a gun they can let you borrow. A short "legal" shotgun is the best for stopping power, but a hand gun will do as will. With his size 500 lbs you're going to have to put a lot of stopping power into it. And it isn't like the movies. Chances are good he'll just keep coming (handgun, not the shotgun)

If you can avoid the conflict that is better, but that would involve you moving somewhere he isn't likely to find you. Still you don't know if/when he will and you'll still be faced with that difficult decision of him or you.

He may just beat you, or he may kill you, you won't know until he's done.

[Mudderoy]

That is what I was thinking but seriously...he does honestly scare the hell out of me...and it takes a lot to scare me..but him....he does it. I mean I understand where my Momma is coming from but on the same aspect, if I would have listened to her, I never would have pressed charges against the guy who raped me or done half of the things I have done in my life that have all helped to make me who I am today...so its kinda of a tough one...

I look at it as I need to protect the kiddos as much as myself because I'm their favorite aunt...plus with me pretty much raising my niece...I'm like a mom to her...so I can't allow something to happen to me that could hurt her.

Based on what you have said I don't think it is safe for you to be watching those children.

[Jamie Lynn]

Based on what you have said I don't think it is safe for you to be watching those children.

I was raised with guns..taught to shoot when I was 2 years old by my dad..and I'm the best shot out of the whole family. I don't favor the idea of having to pull a trigger but I will when it comes to the kids and I. In all seriousness, the children are very much so my life..and my family at this point has taken some cautions when it comes to the pick up and drop offs with the kids.

I don't think that he would intentionally hurt the kids but on the same aspect, I never thought he would touch me either, so its kinda hard to say what he would do....but I do understand what you are saying..so pretty much its one of those things where I just can't go and hop in the Jeep when I want, I inspect it very much so and make sure that where I park my Jeep is within my view and I'm a light sleeper so If I hear his diesel or any vehicle, I'm wide awake and looking..its just the simple fact of the matter, I shouldn't have to live my life this way and the children shouldn't have to be put through this kinda stuff because of a crazy man.

[4.3LXJ]

Jamie

First off, I want to say that this type of man, the controlling, violent kind have deep personal problems involving insecurity and mask them by being aggressive to someone who is weaker. Secondly, if he has a bad day with the guys, he is going to take it out on you. You did the right thing in leaving him because this will only escalate and he will eventually hurt you.

Secondly, under no circumstances should you make any sort of vague hints you might take him back or let him call you or anything like that. You need a clean break. When you get the restraining order, he will be informed of it by the authorities. If he calls, call the cops. I don't know how it is in PA, but here the second violation they get enough jail time to give them a good chance to think it over.

[Jamie Lynn]

Here in Pa they don't mess around with it...If you have a PFA against you and you break it once, it becomes a felony and you do jail time..no chances..trust me I should know from all my Criminal Justice background....so it would do the world of good for everyone..

Secondly, I have no intentions of being with him or taking him back. I'm actually seeing a guy..its not serious or anything like that and he treats me good..It's not a relationship yet, just in the getting to know each other phase...I have had many friends offer me to come to their places to "hide out" for awhile.. In fact when my older bro goes to the west coast in August he offered me to come out there and live for a few months while he will be away from his wife..I might take him up on that but then I don't know what I would do with Mollie or the rest of my family. In case you haven't noticed, I put alot of people before myself. I help to take care of my father who has heart issues, COPD and Emphysema, my aunt who is diabetic and the kids...so I normally don't do things for myself but for the best of my family members.

[NickM]

To build on what Mudderoy told you-shotgun by far, but be aware that buckshot will still be very lethal after going through drywall-be aware of your backstop.
Also, as he stated, if you have to shoot, shoot him to the ground-no shooting once then holding fire looking for effect.
Practice with it-pumps need to be cycled vigorously or they can hang.
Lastly, hope you never have to do it, but if you do, go all in.

Nick

[4x4Dalton]

I also agree with Mudderoy. Shotgun is the way to go with that. He seems like a guy who would try something when he is pushed over the edge so be on yer toes girl. Being the size he is ,is also a big factor in this whole deal. Hopefully the issuing of the order will deter any attempts on you or yer vehicle. Just be careful Jamie and keep the phone(and gun) handy girl.

No one needs to go through something like this. But there's always some A-hole who thinks he is 10 ft tall and Bullet proof. When it's all said and done they are only 3 ft tall and B-B proof.

Bear

[DETOURS]

At over 500lbs, I would think brisk run would only last about 17 feet till his heart says 'no'.........I'd send him McDonald's gift certificates with no return address...........:smiley-laughing021: ......Sorry, as serious as this is, I try to find humor...

Seriously.......I like 4.3XJ's reply and advise, you may want to change your routine for awhile........change routes to work, family, etc......mix it up.

[default83]

holy crap 6'4 503lbs?

i think the dude above me is correct, it would not take much to out run this guy...

also, alot of people that "hit" and abuse women are a bunch of well you get the point, its very easy to act like a "badazz" when your beating a woman, but when sh!t gets serious, they like to run.

when there is police and legal documents involved, 90% of people will just STFU and leave it be, i honestly dont think you have much to worry about, unless this dude is completely insane, and in that case just get the restraining order and say he called you or came over or whatever you have to do to make it look like he violated it and bam, hes in jail game over, no guns no deaths...

you do NOT want to get to the point where you have to pull a trigger, you wont sleep at night.

or you can just get a really big dog

[Mudderoy]

504 and 6'4" kick his knee backwards. Ouch hurts just to type it in. :stars:

[Jamie Lynn]

I also agree with Mudderoy. Shotgun is the way to go with that. He seems like a guy who would try something when he is pushed over the edge so be on yer toes girl. Being the size he is ,is also a big factor in this whole deal. Hopefully the issuing of the order will deter any attempts on you or yer vehicle. Just be careful Jamie and keep the phone(and gun) handy girl.

No one needs to go through something like this. But there's always some A-hole who thinks he is 10 ft tall and Bullet proof. When it's all said and done they are only 3 ft tall and B-B proof.

Bear

LOL..so very true...trust me, I have been in my fair share of not so good relationships and this one by far really takes the cake...and I have been very careful guys...I'm still alive and kicking...been spending time with alot of good friends and having fun...playing it as safe as I can. I really do appreciate your inputs. Muah..you guys rock.:thumbsup:

[DETOURS]

Muah..you guys rock.:thumbsup:

Hey,Hey easy now...........I dont kiss on the first date! :rotfl2:

[Jamie Lynn]

Dang! No kissing on the first date..maybe that is where all the problems are coming from....shoot, why didn't you guys tell me that?:sad0147: What else am I not allowed to do on the first date?:rolleyes::D:rotfl2:

[Deviate]

All personal, moral and emotional issues aside, I have three words of advice for you: document, document, document. A legally-binding PFA will document not only his alleged abuse, but more importantly your fear of him being violent. Should something else happen (and I hope it doesn't), you and the authorities will be in a much better position to act against him with that PFA in place.

In the battle of hearsay, the party with the most documentation wins.

The gun idea may not be a bad one. There are plenty of options out there designed to take down grizzly bears, and some of them will even fit into a purse. Or you could pick up a stun gun. I'd definitely get the one that shoots the electrified barbs out, as I'm not sure I'd want to get within arm's distance of a pissed-off 500lb guy.

[DETOURS]

Dang! No kissing on the first date..maybe that is where all the problems are coming from....shoot, why didn't you guys tell me that?:sad0147: What else am I not allowed to do on the first date?:rolleyes::D:rotfl2:

That would include: Telling the wife you were ever on a date.......:rotfl2: also no perfume or lipstick allowed.......:headshake:

[Jamie Lynn]

That would include: Telling the wife you were ever on a date.......:rotfl2: also no perfume or lipstick allowed.......:headshake:

Lol...I don't have a wife...so this does not apply to me..lol. but I will keep that in mind..:rotfl2::rotfl2:

[Jamie Lynn]

All personal, moral and emotional issues aside, I have three words of advice for you: document, document, document. A legally-binding PFA will document not only his alleged abuse, but more importantly your fear of him being violent. Should something else happen (and I hope it doesn't), you and the authorities will be in a much better position to act against him with that PFA in place.

In the battle of hearsay, the party with the most documentation wins.

The gun idea may not be a bad one. There are plenty of options out there designed to take down grizzly bears, and some of them will even fit into a purse. Or you could pick up a stun gun. I'd definitely get the one that shoots the electrified barbs out, as I'm not sure I'd want to get within arm's distance of a pissed-off 500lb guy.

I know...I have guns in my house that we use for hunting...I have no issue with the idea of protecting myself or the kids...this doesn't mean in any way shape or form that I'm wanting it to come to that but if need be...I will.