4.3LXJ
01-24-2010, 12:20 PM
For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity,
as well as the idiosyncrasies of english:
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet
the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do
we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason that santa is so jolly is
` because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6.. I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?"
she said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his
mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away
from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered
animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they
garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he
homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell
him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put braille on the
drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only
at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: They don't
talk about other people.
23.. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the
rest drown too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would
you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have
you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp'
to have 's' in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids"
instead of "assteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental person in a circle
three times, do they become disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts
of god?
as well as the idiosyncrasies of english:
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet
the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do
we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason that santa is so jolly is
` because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6.. I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?"
she said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his
mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away
from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered
animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they
garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he
homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell
him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put braille on the
drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only
at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: They don't
talk about other people.
23.. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the
rest drown too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would
you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have
you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp'
to have 's' in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids"
instead of "assteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't
shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental person in a circle
three times, do they become disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts
of god?