4.3LXJ
01-02-2010, 08:43 PM
Yes, it's that
magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When
his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.
And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The
chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look
for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A
man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot
her.
4. After
stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An
American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A
man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer..... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems
an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
8. As
a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,
and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I
stole the purse from."
9. The
Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M.., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When
a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.
magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When
his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.
And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The
chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look
for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A
man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot
her.
4. After
stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An
American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that
he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A
man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer..... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems
an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
8. As
a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,
and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I
stole the purse from."
9. The
Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M.., flashed a
gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When
a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled
up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh
he'd ever had.